Does Your Family Really Know What You Want?

A client of mine recently told me a story she thought would make great newsletter fodder — and honestly, it makes me smile every time I think about it.

Her grandmother died at the age of 97. Everything was pre-planned — the funeral, the flowers, the outfit. She wanted to be buried in a red dress. She had told people. It was documented. Two of her four sons knew about it.

They got to the viewing, looked in the casket, and grandma was wearing a pink tracksuit. The kind you’d order off Amazon. The kind that says “I was about to head to Jazzercise.”

What happened to the red dress? Nobody knows.

People assume their families know what they want. They know where they want to be buried. They know which songs to play. They know who gets the jewelry, the pie plate, or the sterling silverware. They know who will be in charge and where the important documents are. They know about the red dress.

But, here’s the thing. Most of the time, they don’t.

I’ve seen this play out in all kinds of ways. We recently helped a client settle the estate of a woman who lived in a 5,000 square foot house packed to the gills. In her will, she had left all of her “jewelry” to four beneficiaries. Sounds straightforward — until we found an entire guest room dresser dedicated exclusively to costume jewelry. Did she mean that too? Nobody knew.

Then there was the sculpture. Left in the will to a specific organization, by name. The problem? Nobody knew which sculpture. The house had several. There were no photos, no description, no note. Just a word and a lot of guessing.

So what’s the point? If it matters to you, write it down. Be specific. Take pictures. Leave a note — even a Post-it — on the red dress hanging in your closet. Because “they’ll know what I meant” is not a plan.

One tool I love for this is Artifcts — a platform that lets you attach the stories, memories, and instructions behind your belongings so that what matters about an object isn’t lost when it’s passed down, donated, or downsized. It’s a simple way to make sure the people you love aren’t left guessing.

Because you know what happens when people assume. Just ask grandma’s sons.